Can I talk to you?

I probably beat to death on this blog how important communication in a relationship is. I’d have to say that honesty, communication, and respect (which really partners with honesty) are the most important tennents of any successful relationship.

So why are there so many people who cannot talk to their significant others? Some of it is can’t, and with others it is won’t. There is a major issue with both. Not being able to because someone just makes themselves completely unavailable emotionally or otherwise is one thing. Flat our refusing because you’re playing games is a whole other sack of cats.

Recently I was talking to a friend about some issues going on in her life. I love her to death. My advice was that she really needs to find a way to be open with her husband because she can’t make it through the things she is going through without him. I don’t feel that is unreasonable. I mean, you have chosen to share your life with this person.

The response I felt was a little hostile. She told me that she and her husband aren’t like my boyfriend and I. They can’t be that open. I was pretty taken aback by this. I mean, I wasn’t throwing anything in her face. I didn’t bring up anything about my current relationship. I just said that they need to find a way to get through this together because they need each other and really it’s his job to be there for her like she should be for him. I mean, I thought that’s what a marriage was about? Always having this person there with you for better or for worse?

And let’s face it. My track record in the communication area is fucking shit at best until recently. It took me more years than necessary to learn my lesson there. I had one guy that flat out ignored me if he wasn’t berating me. Another who just refused to talk back if there was a problem. Like problem solving wasn’t on his agenda. Ignoring me was. And then another who everything with him was non-negotiable. His way or no way. Not open to discussion.

I don’t understand it after living it. How do you just accept that you’re with someone (man or woman) that you cannot confide in? That you can’t go to with your problems, secrets, or even good news? How do you go through life not talking to this person you have specifically chosen to live out your days with?

How did I almost marry one of those people? It’s damn unfathomable to me looking back that I almost chose that.

What’s even worse is that with social media, people are trading talking to their significant others for passive aggressively posting messages to them. I was talking this afternoon with some girls about this phenomenon. It’s disgraceful! How do you get away with that shit? It wouldn’t fly with me at all.

It’s immature at best. Why are you inviting you and your 300 closest friends from kindergarten through your fourth career change into your shit? On top of the fact that only one side of the story is being posted, so your outcry for attention to get all of your friends and family to immediately side with you, you’re resorting to shaming the person you love.

The internet is not your laundry room. Stop using it to air your grievances in place of addressing them head on. We all  have frustrating moments and shit that we post online to vent. Christ, how often have I posted that my kid is driving me up the wall? And sometimes he does. But he’s also aware of it. However, there is a strong difference between a, “My kid is driving me bat shit crazy today” post and one talking about your intimate issues with your spouse or partner of whatever status.

Social media isn’t supposed to be a crutch for getting through life. It’s fun and has almost unlimited benefits, but people ruin it with their attention craving needs. Pay attention to me! I’m too afraid to face my fights with my spouse over something that could be solved with just a little open communication!

And bigger problems- they have no place online. No matter your situation. Cheating and other issues don’t belong on your Facebook timeline. Those are private problems that need to be addressed with your loved ones.

The internet is not your personal therapist, especially when you’re being ridiculous about it and using it as a means to throw shit in your spouse’s face. Asking for advice and posting stupid shit with the full intent of getting under their skin are two different things. It’s dumb as fuck. If you want to live your life like an 8th grader, that’s your business, but in the process you’re making your business the rest of ours.

If you can’t or won’t talk to your spouse or partner, find someone you can rely on… but first you may want to work on your “look at me!” ways.

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