Happy Wife, Miserable Life

I was watching Love It, or List It on the DIY channel the other day. It’s a show where a couple gets their house renovated and is shown 3 other houses. At the end of the show, they either stay in their current house or move into one of the 3 homes they looked at. Most of these houses are above their budget. On the one episode, the renovation was just mind blowing to their kitchen. Hell yeah, I’d stay in that house! It was seriously the most amazing kitchen ever.

But, they ended up moving into a home waaaay over their budget. The guy said, “happy wife, happy life.” It was the wife who wanted to move. Okay, so to make her happy, you moved into a home you cannot afford?

My dad and I made some comments about that sentiment and how it’s total bullshit.

I’ve heard plenty of guys say, “happy wife, happy life” or that they do something just to keep their wife happy, even if it mean their own misery. I’ve also heard women insist that their home live by that mantra.

I have major issues with this. I’ve been in some seriously one sided relationships where I was living in absolute grief. My happiness didn’t count for shit. Ever.

Relationships are a partnership. “Happy wife, happy life” removes the husband and the rest of the family’s happiness from the equation. Some women are fucking selfish. As long as they are getting what they want, no matter how their husbands feel, all is well.

That’s not how shit works. Why don’t we say, “happy partners, happy home” or some other awful cliche shit?

It just seems (and movies and tv perpetuate this stereotype), that women are nags and as long as they are happy, husbands will shut their mouths and just do as they are told.

One of the reason I loved the movie Neighbors, was because the husband and wife were best friends and both immature in their own ways. I actually felt like I could relate to it relative to where I am in life right now.

Why don’t we ever talk about the man’s happiness? Don’t you think you’d both be happier if both people were considered? Isn’t that what marriage and relationships are? It’s a bond that you both share.

My mom has told me since I was 17 that I need to make sure that I marry my best friend. If he isn’t my best friend, then we aren’t right for each other. Who has a stronger bond than best friends? Would you treat your plutonic best friend like this? Probably not. So why would you subject your husband to making his sole purpose in life to keep your mouth shut?

All we talk about anymore based on current trends on Twitter, is female equality. I’m all for it. Yes! Let’s be equal! But what a lot of people really want is to be greater than.

That’s what “happy wife, happy life” sounds like to me. It sounds like something out of Animal Farm. “All partners are created equal, but wives are more equal than husbands!”

The truth of the matter is, if you are constantly going by “happy wife, happy life,” you’ll probably never be happy to begin with. You’re likely just a bottomless pit. No matter what money is spent on you, no matter what concessions are made instead of compromising, you’ll just take and take and take.

How many times have you, as a female (yes, I’m talking to you ladies) thrown a temper tantrum over something your boyfriend or husband did or didn’t do, no matter how unreasonable it was, but you didn’t care how terrible it made your man feel as long as you got your way?

Here’s an example from the other side of this:

My son’s dad a month before he was born threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t buy him an XBox 360 for Christmas. I didn’t have the money for an XBox and I was bringing a baby into the world in a month. Babies are EXPENSIVE. We still needed furniture for our new apartment plus things for the baby, and he’s throwing a fucking fit over an XBox. “If you really cared, you’d find a way to afford it.”

Yes. At 8 1/2 months pregnant, let me just work as much overtime as I can and never get any rest before I push a 7 pound child out of my body and never sleep through the night again. That’s exactly what I feel like doing.

He threw the same fucking fit at Father’s Day. We were making enough money collectively to get by with a little to spare, but there wasn’t XBox money. Especially not with an infant who outgrows EVERYTHING in a month and is going through a case of diapers a week plus formula.

So he pouted and threw it in my face as much as he could. Because getting that XBox was all he cared about. Not the financial situation we were in or the fact that he ignored our son anyway because Playstation was all he cared about. Why would I buy you an XBox so that you could shirk your parental duties even more than you already were??? Use your brain for fucks sake.

Look at the big picture. Is what you’re asking for reasonable? Is your reaction to not getting your way befitting the situation? Are you taking into account all the ways that what you want affects your partner and your living situation and the relationship? How important is this thing you want in the grand scheme of things.

Don’t be a diva. Your husband or boyfriend’s happiness and well being counts too. If all that matters is your own happiness, get a cat and move on.

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