But They’re On My List!

Can we please all get over this concept of being mentally unfaithful for having celebrity crushes or for checking someone out on the street?

Being in a relationship doesn’t make you blind.  This is just preposterous. Christ, I was texting my girlfriends last night about the poor man’s Jon Snow that is my son’s roller hockey coach.

I’m in a relationship, but I didn’t lose my eyesight. I know that other people in this universe are attractive and there is nothing wrong with accepting that fact. It doesn’t mean I’d cheat on my boyfriend. I know he still finds other women attractive. What matters is that we don’t want to be with anyone but each other. We don’t flirt with other people. We don’t strike up conversations with random people we think are good looking. It’s not a big deal.

I was telling *Mike one night how bad I felt because one of my girlfriend’s man split on her and was kind of a dick about it. He said that it was a shame because she’s a really nice and pretty girl. I was like, “I know!”

There is no need to freak  because of an innocuous comment. She is very pretty. That’s a fact. Dating me doesn’t change the fact that she’s pretty. It doesn’t mean my relationship is in jeopardy.

If your gut reaction to such a statement is, “OH MY GOD YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO FUCK HER!” this is a gigantic, proverbial red flag that you do not trust this person. If you don’t trust your man or woman around your friends, something is amiss.

The biggest issue I’ve found women and men get bent out of shape over isn’t the occasional wandering eye, double take, or factual statement about a woman’s appearance. It’s celebrity crushes.

Because, ya know, your man’s obsession with Hilary Duff is something to fear. “She and Mike Comrie are over! Lizzie McGuire is finally MINE! She’s on my list! I laminated it!”


May the odds be ever in your favor, dude. It ain’t happening in this lifetime.

Why do people let celebrity crushes turn them into insecure pieces of shit? I mean that. You’re acting like a piece of shit over nothing.

This is like 75% of the reason I think I watch Vampire Diaries

Women probably much more than men love to get fucking bent out of shape over a man’s love of Kate Upton. And it’s always much of the same as far as their idiotic reaction.

“Why do you need to look at her? Aren’t I enough?”

“It makes me feel bad about myself like I’m not hot enough when you talk about models/actresses.”

“You know you’d never be able to get her!”

Mother of God, ladies. Do you realize how fucking stupid you sound? You cannot gush over Channing Tatum stripping or Justin Timberlake dancing and then get all pissy about a guy getting excited over some actress.

If your level of insecurity is that low, consider yourself as having hit absolute rock bottom. Just give up. Angelina Jolie’s lips are not a threat to your current relationship status as much as your attitude is.

Humans find other humans attractive, whether they’re married or not. Believe me, I’ve heard my dad say things about Lucy Lui that I wish to God I could unhear.

If someone is hiding flirtation with someone they think is cute from you or talking up women or men in bars that they think are attractive, then you have reason to worry. Hiding texts or Facebook messages to the opposite sex is being dishonest.

Openly admitting attraction to another person, especially a celebrity or just an innocent but factual comment is not cause for pulling the fire alarm on your relationship. Do not start freaking out about how they’ll never find someone better than you or how they’re hurting your feelings.

Grow a set and go back to drolling over Kit Harrington’s abs, fucking hypocrits.

This applies to you as well, men.


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