OMG! It’s my BF!!

Once again, myself and everyone I know are on the same wavelength. Alright. Not everyone I know, but those closest to me.

In the last month or so, my status of “dating” or “seeing” someone went to status of “committed.” So basically at this point we can refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, even though we’re completely acting the same as we were for x amount of months prior to.

We realized last week that it’s weird saying “my boyfriend” and “my girlfriend.” Not only the transition of realizing, “Oh yeah, that is what this person I spend my time with can be categorized as,” but just getting used to saying it.

Turns out, neither one of us really likes saying it. Not because it’s embarrassing or anything, but just people throw the terms around a lot kinda showing off. We know what we are, but it’s weird using it as a descriptor. The people who know us and hang out with us, we can refer to by name. But to people not intimate to the situation, we can’t just use names.

For example. He and I have coffee a few times a week mid-morning because we work on the same block in town. So if I’m getting my coat on and vacating the premises at like 10:30, the guy in the cube across from me might ask where I’m off to. “Oh, I’m getting coffee with Mike,” won’t mean anything to him. Um, great. who the fuck is Mike? Instead, its, “I’m grabbing coffee with my boyfriend.”

Okay, really now that I think about it in typing that, I think “I’m getting coffee” is a sufficient enough response.

New example!

Co-worker: “What  are you doing this weekend?”
Me: “Cooking dinner at Mike’s and watching the Pens game. You?”

He has no idea who Mike is (name changed for privacy). We’re not on those terms. So it has to be “boyfriend.”

But you get the point.

It’s weird because I don’t introduce him with a title. Even when we were just friends, I just introduced him by name. The other day I introduced him to friends of the family just by his name. I didn’t have to let them know the relation. I think they figured it out on their own.

It just sounds…almost somewhat pretentious. Like I almost vomit out the words. One of my girlfriends and I were talking at lunch the other day about it. She is on the same page. She just refers to her boyfriend by his first name, unless of course in a less familiar situation. Then you have to defer to titles. But still utter discomfort on both of our parts. In her words, it more often than not comes off as sounding “pompous.” I concur.

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I think the biggest issue the three of us have with this title business is the overflaunting of “my fiance.” Jesus Christ on a cracker do I loath that term. I mean just loath it. Social media may have been what killed it for me. Every fucking engaged person in every photo and status they post up until the day of the wedding, “my fiance, my fiance, my fiance.” Holy shit snacks, they have a name. Male or female, they have a damn name and you used to use it until one of you put a ring on the other’s finger.

They’ve suddenly lost all identity. They’re just the word now. Hi, we knew Sally or Jack before this all took place. You can cool it with the daily introductions. We know it’s still them. Just a more committed them.

I think calling someone my husband one day will be the weirdest shit of all. That one comes with bigger fish to fry.

Hubs. Hubby. 

STAAAAAHP. STOP IT. YOU. You there. Shut it.

I swear to God, if I ever in the future if it heads that way, call Mike my “hubby” you are free to stab me in the throat if he doesn’t do it first.

Overuse of titles is starting to make me stabby. Not everyone throws it around in an “I’m going to make you jealous if it kills me” type of way. But we all know someone who once they get into a relationship, never use their mate’s proper name again. Once again, social media is probably what has made this rage possible. This wasn’t even a thing before. Okay, it was, but it’s worse now.

We’re all reduced to titles. Stop the madness and just act normal.

My name’s not Girlfriend.

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