You’re Gonna Die Alone

By Rachel

If there is one thing a woman doesn’t want to hear about, (okay, include the entire world in this- your guy friends, your parents, your boss, your cat) it is how you’re going to “die alone.”

When you think about it, most people die alone. Unless you die in a car crash or something with your significant other, someone has to go first. So let’s just accept now that “die alone” is really a 50% chance in your life.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Finding someone to share your life with is serious business. It’s difficult. A few billion people to sift through can be a daunting task. As much as we’d all like that one-night-stand from the South Side to magically turn into the woman or man of our dreams or to find love straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, the likelihood is slim to none.

Why? Because relationships aren’t easy.

They take patience, understanding, honesty, and work. You can and should have happiness and love in your relationship, but it takes work from both people for love to work long term.

Meeting someone is considered the worst part. But as I have learned, there is no time line on this and no right or wrong way for this to occur. I thought I’d be married by 24, a kid by 26, and done having kids by 30. Guess what? The universe doesn’t give a flying fuck what I want. LIFE doesn’t care about what I want or what I have determined is acceptable.

I’m almost 31. Never married. Single mom.

And life is FINE. I haven’t died yet of not being married. Your happiness cannot be dependent upon the presence or absence of another. This applies to life across the board, not just in relationships. There is always someone to move on from and there is no such thing as “the one who got away.”

“The One” doesn’t get away. That’s why they are “The One.”

“No, she was the person I was supposed to be with.”

“Ah-der no, she wasn’t or you’d still be together.”

If they got away, it’s because your relationship wasn’t strong enough, you weren’t good for each other, or a plethora of other reasons or cliches. Pick your favorite flavor. I don’t give a shit which one.

Whining ad nauseum about your state of singlehood though, isn’t winning you any favors. Women and men alike want confidence in their partner. Scathing insecurity, a downtrodden, emo attitude, and complaining about being single will not help you meet someone. Being overeager will send potential mates running for the hills.

The other thing that annoys me about “I’m gonna die alone” people is when they are years younger than I am.

Okay, cool. So you think that you are pathetic, what do you think of me?

“Oh, you’re different. You have a kid, so you have an excuse.”

Yes. People really like to go there. Want me to hit the roof? Blame my single status on my being a single mom. I’ll fucking cut you.

I’ve had relationships since my son’s dad. NEVER EVER EVER EVER has my son been the reason that it didn’t work out or that a guy and I decided NOT to pursue seeing one another. Basically, guys who tell me this is why I am single, is them admitting that their gender is full of shitty fucking people or that  a child is equal to the appeal of venareal disease.

While I get that not everyone is cool with dating someone who already has children, citing that as the number one reason that I’m not married yet is horse shit and I hope you “die alone.”

Everyone needs to relax. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not the end-all-be-all of life. Sharing your time with someone is wonderful and amazing, but it should not rule your life. Panicking over it isn’t speeding up the process of finding someone either. You look desperate and like you’re trying too hard and no one finds that attractive.

Think about what you look for in a partner. If “clingy, desperate, pathetic, and whiny” aren’t characterists that you enjoy, rethink your love strategy and just roll with the punches. There is no text book way to find the love of your life, but I assure you that hunting for a wife or husband like they are a deer isn’t going to work.

Chill and stop being so dammed impetuous. It doesn’t look good on you.


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