The Naked Man Predicament

By Rachel Greene

**DISCLAIMER** There is nudity in this blog post!

As a heterosexual female, I have to say, I do not find a naked man appealing in a sense of posing. I’d rather oggle a naked chick.

There is something completely awkward and almost homoerotic about a male posing nude. This is NOT a slight against gay men, so cool your tits. It doesn’t look natural. Seriously. Just go to Google image search and type in “Playgirl.” The results are like uuuuh…

I just don’t get it.

I don’t see what is sexy about a man kicking back on a chaise lounge with his ding dong hanging out, like offering it up like a gift. It looks fucking weird. If I saw a guy do that in real life I’d either laugh in his face or walk out with a stunned look on my face, not jump on it and ride it out.

Hold on…here is where the “well if you like looking at naked chicks and not men then you’re a lesbian” commentary comes into play.

It’s not about hating penises or thinking that the male form is unattractive, because that is simply not true. There is just a distinct difference between this:

and this:


Mr. Lochte

Do you see the visual distinction between “male porn” modeling and just a ripped dude without a shirt?

Now, the penis issue is there though. Admit it, even if you are a guy you will admit, they are kinda weird looking and they really are all diferent. It’s a fucking mixed bag and when you see a guy naked for the first time. As a woman, you are hoping and praying that everything is copasetic. You don’t want there to be weirdness in any form. You don’t want to have to touch it if it has some sort of deformity or just looks off. You all know exactly what I mean.

Guy’s get the inverse of this. They don’t want anything terrible going on down south on a woman. You don’t want it. That’s normal for any one engaging in sexual relations or even watching porn. You don’t want to see some man or woman who’s personal situation is just not what one envisions as ideal genitalia.

But I don’t think you get that as much when you see naked women posing. As a woman, I appreciate the beauty of a female body. It’s so curvatious and beautiful and I think that the majority of woman are comfortable enough with their own sexuality that they will freely admit when another woman’s body is just banging ass gorgeous. This isn’t a homosexual feeling. It’s an appreciation. It’s admiration or even envy of like “Wow. That is something I could aspire to look like.”

A man’s body is beautiful too in its own ways. (See above.) This blog isn’t about women being more beautiful to me than men, this is simply about posing for the camera. I can see why a man wants to receive naked photos of women. But if some dude offered me dick pics I’d be like nah, I’m cool. It just seems bizarre to me.

But this seems very sensual and beautiful to me:

Why? Because I have those assets and I want mine to look like that or at least pretty damn close. (I like my curves. I don’t want to get rid of everything.) As a woman I can put myself in place of these girls and think, “Okay, if a man is in front of me and I look like this, he is going to absolutely lose his shit. And I’m going to revel in it!”

Naked women look like they were painted with careful brush strokes. Men look like they were chiseled into a statue. Both are gorgeous forms of art and there is nothing more attractive than the human form. But when it comes to posing, women take the lead.

Men, keep the pants on. We love the way you look in baseball pants anyway.

Oh and P.S. if anyone saw my Google history for me doing this blog, they’d think I am the biggest freak in the universe. I’ve had to search some incredibly tasteless phrases in order to find the right .gifs and .jpgs to make this blog visually convey my thoughts and what I am describing to you in order to get my point across.


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