I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations this week with my single guy friends. It seems like everyone is kind of going through the same thing at the same time. Our experiences are all mirroring one another’s.
To give a short explanation, it has been a lot of talk about friends, dating, and what we want. For example, today, a good friend of mine from work and I were talking. He is 38, extremely attractive, single, never married. It is curious to me. Real nice and funny guy, it just hasn’t happened for him. At this point he just enjoys his freedom and isn’t sure he wants the hassles that come with dating. It is completely understandable where he is coming from.
I myself am at a similar spot. While I miss some aspects of dating- the closeness, affection, and just having someone there- I just don’t know that I can handle a relationship right now. Obviously, if someone comes along that I have a good feeling about I won’t turn down the opportunity, but in general there is a lot that I can’t take.
As my friend and I were talking, he was explaining to me this sudden upswing in women asking him out and he doesn’t understand it. Five women asked him out for this coming weekend. He isn’t going to go out with any of them. I told him he was crazy not to go out with at least the one woman because he said he really does like her. He just doesn’t want the parts of a relationship that cause stress. He told me that the way I am, I should have guys falling all over me and he is surprised that I’m not out with like four different guys a week.
But he also said what I already know: as time has gone on, I approach dating like a guy. He thinks guys should love that. But I’m not so sure that they do.
I don’t want to have to give someone constant attention. I am pretty passive anymore. Maybe it’s just because I haven’t been with someone in so long. Like, if you want to go out with your friends, please by all means do, and I probably won’t even contact you all night. I’ll find some other way to occupy myself. You don’t need to run your every move by me (because I am certainly not going to text you all night if I am out). Also, I am big into sports and I used to be quite into video games- this throws me into the realm of “guy’s best friend” and someone told me that guys don’t know how to bridge the gap between talking to me about sports and being romantic. I guess it can be difficult to see beyond the hockey blog and dick jokes. They are fairly prevalent!
While I’m not exactly wanting to run into the fire of a relationship, what my friend and I both agreed on is that sometimes you just want a good make-out session. He told me “Why can’t someone just come over and we make out for like an hour and then they go home and there is nothing behind it?” All you need is a kiss. Like tonight, I would have been happy having both worlds: watch some baseball, then make out for awhile, cop a feel, and then call it a night. (I know, so romantic, right?) Sometimes you just want that closeness or just a steamy make-out session. Making-out isn’t just for teenagers. In fact, I think as adults we would all be a lot more pleasant if we did this more often. There is something about it that is exciting and calming almost. At the same time it can be silly and fun.
You don’t need to sleep around to get that fix you want sometimes of just having someone close to you, but unfortunately kissing without consequence and attachment isn’t exactly readily available. When kissing is empty, how do you keep doing it? There has to be something behind it or it is acting as a prelude to something else. A kiss can tell you if the chemistry is there or not.
The problem is, who wants empty kissing for the sake of doing it?
A kiss is never just a kiss.