Friend Zoned. We’ve all been there. You really dig him/her. But they want to keep it strictly platonic.
“I love you. You’re such a great friend. But I’m afraid if we date we will ruin our friendship. What we have is so much better!”
Those words have made 90% of people feel stabby. I’ve been there on both sides. Either I didn’t feel the more than friends (or it scared me to try) or he didn’t want it. The more I think about this whole concept, the more I see a few sides of it.
To be perfectly honest, the logic of “we will ruin our friendship” is slightly flawed. I can think of a thousand things that have ruined friendships for me that were far worse than trying to date someone whom you were friends with first. (Friendly advice: Don’t hook up with the guy your supposed best friend is dating. Poor form, twat…and the guy from my previous post.)
My mom always taught me that you should be with someone who is your best friend. Hey! It worked for Monica and Chandler! They were friends and sometimes you just have to change the context to see if a relationship would work. If you care about someone and enjoy spending time with them, it might be only a kiss that can change it from platonic love to something more. Kiss HAS to be there! It will reveal everything! There will either be fireworks or you will feel nothing at all.
My best girl friend told me a few days ago that I have great chemistry with men. I think this is because I am pretty laid back and talk like a guy most of the time. I also grew up in a neighborhood with all guys, so I’m just used to being around them. Oh, and if you’re not new to reading my blog, I’m a male apologist to the extreme. I feel for ya, guys. I really do. Women are psychotic.
Before I continue, so as not to freak out any of my male friends, let me preface this by saying: I am JUST talking here about the whole concept of the friend zone! Do not sit around and over analyze the things I am about to say. I don’t want to receive texts tonight digging for information on my feelings!
My closest friends are all men and one woman. I started thinking about all of these guys I am friends with and how we are constantly like “You’re so great! You’re gonna find someone amazing. I can’t believe no one has snatched you up!” Then I started thinking more about how wretched it feels when someone is like “You’re perfect. I can’t believe you’re single.” But then when you want to date them they’re spewing the lines above about how we are such good friends blah blah blah. *Slams head onto desk* AWWW COME ON! You just called me perfect!
Now I am examining my guy friends. Why wouldn’t I date any of them? Why should the “we would ruin our friendship” rule apply to all of them? Are all of my friends probably a likely match for me? Not at all! That doesn’t mean that a select few of them aren’t worth a shot if they would be willing. Deciding who would be worth the chance though and how to approach it? Whole other sack of cats that will have to be reserved for a later blog because well…I simply don’t have that answer!
I am totally guilty though of “friend zoning” guys. Sometimes with completely good reason, and other times because I am an idiot. I have taken one guy out of the friend zone and dated him. We went out one night for dinner and then back to his house to hang out and there was just a spark there. It wasn’t even meant to be a date. It was just us hanging out but somewhere in there we just had a moment and it clicked. We started dating and did for a few months. In the end it didn’t work out because he got all emo and stalker-like. (Hey, what did you do with the guy you were before we dated?)
Another time I had a friend who really was into me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Looking back, I was a complete asshole for not giving him a chance because the only reason I didn’t go for it was out of fear of what would happen. Why wouldn’t he have been a good boyfriend? We had fantastic chemistry and enjoyed being around one another and told each other everything and I was physically attracted to him.
Bringing in the romantic aspect is probably the most difficult thing to do and is what worries most people about bridging that gap between friends and lovers, but it can be done. Broaching that subject may be uncomfortable, but what if it results in the best relationship you’ve ever had and it lasts? You are running the same risk that you do with any stranger from a bar that you pick up, only the bonus of moving a friend from friend to lover is that you likely already know this person inside and out so it eliminates a lot of that first five dates bullshit when you are trying to figure out if this person is genuine or not.
Worst comes to worst, if you have a sense of humor, the friendship can be salvaged. If you go on a date and that extra chemistry isn’t there, laugh it off. You tried. No shame in trying. Things are only awkward if you make them awkward. If it goes long term, going back to friends is going to depend on how it ends… so don’t be psychotic.
Live without fear. It may end up being the best decision you’ve ever made.