I have sacrificed my looks, my sleep, my sanity, my body, my brain just to make sure that I am living each day to the fullest and get everything I need to get done, done. I have a very strict “no excuses” policy for my life.
Single mom. Finished my bachelors. Working mom. Have a career. Going for my MBA this fall. Fuck failure. It’s not in my vocabulary.
I know a lot of other parents think I am super human for my accomplishments. No. I’m not. I just suck it up and do what is necessary and find every moment of joy I can possibly grasp onto. It’s not all so bad. In fact, I have much more happiness in my life than I ever have before. Of course there are things I miss about my single life, but I wouldn’t change any of it. Parenting brought me a new type of fulfillment.
I hear all too often from women that I know that they can never get anything done because they have kids. They can’t go grocery shopping. I they can’t get their hair done. They can’t do anything unless their husband is at home to “babysit.”
First of all, let’s get one thing straight ladies. Your husband isn’t a fucking babysitter. These are HIS KIDS TOO. If you’re afraid to leave your kids at home with your hubby because the house will be a mess and the kids will be jacked up on Mountain Dew, then that’s your fault for pro-creating with the dude. Parenting is a two person job and should be treated as such. And this is coming from someone who learned the hard way by getting pregnant by a complete neanderthal.
Women are always amazed that my son and I do so many activities together: shopping, doctors appointments (yeah, he goes to the OBGYN with me), movies, ballgames, hockey games, outlet shopping. I do everything with my son. He needs to fit in with MY lifestyle and because I take him everywhere with me he knows how to behave in public. He enjoys going out on fields trips and adventures. It is hardly ever a nightmare.
I’ve found ways to keep him happy. A few weeks ago we went outlet shopping. How did I make this bearable for him? I made him a part of it. He got to help me pick out the clothes. Hold up two shirts that I know I like them both and I let him pick which one I get. I let him help me pick out shoes, jewelry, purses. Whatever I am buying, he is a part of the decision so he feels like he is being a big help.
You have to find creative ways to keep your kids entertained while doing things that they don’t necessarily want to do. Once you conquer your kids behaving while running mundane errands, taking them to Disney on Ice, sporting events, and the museum is a breeze! They know how they are expected to behave.
This isn’t to say that my son doesn’t throw the occasional tantrum, but I’ve noticed that the trend in his tantrums is that he throws them when he is tired or hungry.
The complaint I hear from women I know: “It is so embarrassing when my son/daughter screams and throws a fit in public! Everyone stares at you!”
Ladies. Fuck other people and their “You’re an evil mommy!” looks. They obviously never had kids or they forgot what it was like to have their kids act like that. Kids are going to throw hissy fits no matter what precautions you take. They are unpredictable, selfish little creatures who only have a sense of self. That is biological and psychological. They will outgrow it. But if you can’t roll with the punches, your kids will never learn to behave in public.
My solution to the “bad mommy” looks? I look them right in the eye and say “I know! How horrible is this kid?” How do I handle my kid? I stand there and stare at him and after a minute ask him if he is done. If he isn’t, I shrug and walk away. He chases after me and we carry on. He eventually gets it. When I tell him he can’t have something while we are out and he throws a fit and tells me “you’re making me sad, Mom!” I look at him and tell him the same thing right back. “Yeah, well you make Mommy sad when you act like this.”
They will figure it out. Compromise where you need to and make adjustments, but stop stressing about leaving your kids at home just so that you can go to the grocery store. Yes, shopping ends up a bit more expensive if my son is with me picking out the things that he likes, but at the same time, I know what he likes so I can be sure to evade aisles with items I am simply not buying by taking him down aisles with items that he can have.
The result of this lifestyle has been more than I could have asked for. When my son and I are out together, he always thanks me and tells me he loves me and says that we are having “dates” and “just me and you day.” How is that not amazing to hear out of the mouth of a 4 year old? Nothing makes me smile more than hearing those words.
I don’t care what “parenting experts” have to say on the subject. Fuck time outs and reverse psychology. I treat my kid like a human and we have a very close relationship. He isn’t perfect, but neither am I and we are working through it.
Make your kids fit your life and you get it all done.