Between Friends

By Rachel

I’ve been fortunate in my life to have friends that I can literally talk to them about anything. No limits. No shame.

You need friends in your life that will not judge you, no matter what comes out of your mouth. They need to laugh with you and be honest with you at all times.

I have always managed to find friends who just get me and my sense of humor. We are comfortable with one another and are honest to a fault with each other. You need friends that you can have awkward conversations with. If you don’t have a friend that you’ve had conversation with that involved hair, eyeballs,  and semen, then you need new friends.

There are so many ways this could actually go down…

Most of my friends that I have these conversations with are guys. But I have one really good girlfriend that there is just nothing we won’t talk about (see above).

Some girlfriends tend to give WAY too much information about their periods and sex life. But you always have one friend that you can count on in dire situations when you either have a legitimate concern/question about the bedroom or a story that SOMEONE has to hear and it can’t be just anyone. (Sex is funny sometimes. If it isn’t, well… refer to my advice about needing new friends. You need a new sexual partner too!)

I’d love to say that I have had boyfriends that were open to all conversations, but some were just prudish and revolted by my questions. Come on! Do you want me asking you about masturbation or someone else?

So that conversation finally happened about a week ago with a friend. Look. My guy friends talk a hell of a lot about touching their dicks, so it is natural that I have some damn questions! So I asked a friend what my ex would not answer: What is your cleanup method?

This is good information, folks. I’ve always wanted to know like how guys do this. Do you just catch it in a towel or a tissue or do you treat it like your first piss of the morning and it just lands where it lands? I won’t reveal my buddy’s preferences, but needless to say, it was a fascinating and educational conversation and we handled it like mature adults. I didn’t even giggle! This is “on the edge of your seat” material here, ladies.

Same friend answered some other questions for me a few weeks ago that have been on my mind about guys as well: Guys cannot multiple orgasm like women can. So does this mean that all male orgasms are the same? Or do they vary in intensity and build up or you really just have no control over it? All good questions. I mean, women have a great advantage when it comes to orgasms. We can cum from being touched in different places, both internal and external and they can build up to make them more intense and they can last different times and honestly they feel different. I wanted to know how it went for guys as well. No, I will not reveal the answer. Get a friend and ask.

This is scientific research.

Tonight, same friend and I had a mind blowing conversation. We’re on FB chat together while watching the Olympics at our respective homes. He makes the comment that he had forgotten how attractive Lolo Jones is. I responded with “Yeah, she’s real pretty. She should lose her virginity to me. It probably wouldn’t even count so it’s like a freebee.”

He had NO idea she was a virgin. Yeah, buddy. That convo we had earlier on the phone about not watching the news? This is why you didn’t know! Get on that about the important things, like Lolo’s vag. Needless to say though, the conversation went to other places and hilarity ensued.

What is my point here? My point is, everyone needs someone that they can ask serious questions to without judgement or to be a complete ass around. I know that I have certain friends that I can say blatantly stupid shit to and they aren’t going to act outraged by it. “Oh, my God! Rachel is talking about donkey shows again!”

Pfft! Why isn’t everyone talking about donkey shows? It’s an interesting topic on top of the fact that it is fucking hilarious so lighten up!

Everyone needs a friend they can have downright fucked up conversations with that seriously aren’t appropriate for anyone but the two of you to ever know about. I will NOT be revealing those conversations here today. That stays between friends!

I spend a lot of time in my day being serious, professional, and controlled. When I’m with friends, I want to let loose and just have fun. If that means I’m talking about incidents involving semen, so be it! Enjoy the ride!

And semen is a funny word, so shut up and laugh.

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3 thoughts on “Between Friends

  1. Lol. You probably don’t mean those convos to be funny as hell but I’m betting they end up that way. I do have to contradict one thing tho – about guys and multiple orgasims… Just sayin LOL

    • lol the friend that I wrote it about and I were talking about it after I posted and we even said like the funny part about our conversations is that we are so serious about them and matter of fact, but if anyone heard the things we talk about they’d recoil in horror.

      And now I have questions…

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