Outgrowing friends is completely natural. You grow and change and sometimes realize that the people you have become not longer have anything to share in common. Someone (or perhaps neither of you) have anything to bring to the table in the friendship.
However, there are other reasons to end a friendship. Dead weight, drama, and a lack of reciprocation in effort put people on the chopping block. There is no reason to keep people in your life if you gain nothing but misery from their existence.
There are plenty of reasons to ditch that friend you have been latched onto for over a decade for no other reason than, “Well, we’ve been friends for this long…” I recently cut someone out of my life that has been in it for almost two decades, and I felt no remorse doing it. Why? Because the thought of another 15 years of madness and drama was more than I could stand! I am a different person now than we were as kids. My life is different. My wants, needs, and goals are different.
It doesn’t make you a bad person for cutting someone out. It makes you honest and means that you have expectations for your life and the types of people you feel comfortable and happy surrounding yourself with.
As I approach the big 3-0, I have realized that there are certain types of people who simply do not fit in with my lifestyle and additionally with what my overall standard of living. So here is a list of people that everyone should consider phasing out for their own sanity as you make your way out of your 20’s!
1. The Friend Who NEVER DD’s on the Weekend.
I do not condone drinking in driving in any form. Because I need to be functional at all times because of my son, I am usually a one beer while out kind of girl and often end up as the designated driver. I am fine with this. But in all fairness, groups of friends should either rotate being the DD or make other arrangements such as a cab or a significant other/spouse/sibling/parent picking up the crew.
We all work, go to school, and have other life stresses such as relationship and family obligations that afford us all a much deserved night of letting loose and having a few beers. But if you have a friend who isn’t willing to ever hangout and be happy drinking Pepsi while the rest of the group consumes liquor, consider either cutting them loose or only doing other activities with this person. It’s a selfish way to act and honestly, if you require alcohol to have fun with your friends, then that is all the more reason to either get new friends or reexamine exactly what you think fun is because you may have a drinking problem!
Also, lump in here the person who either never takes a turn buying rounds of drinks or who when it isn’t their round buys the most expensive thing on the menu. What do they care? They aren’t paying for it!
2. The Friend Who Only Appears When Single.
Where the hell is Lacey? No one has heard from her in weeks. *Phone rings, you check your texts* “Hey gurl! We never see each other anymore! Girls night this weekend?” *You check your Facebook.* Lacey’s status has changed from ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘Single.’ Oh…
*Compose text back*: Go fuck yourself.
Seriously. Friends are always friends. If you disappear because you have a significant other (this goes for men and women) and neglect your friends, then you lack life balance.
Some people need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled and to be happy. I mean they need it like they need air. But they only need their friends when it is convenient for them…like to vent about a breakup. But where were you when I needed to vent because my job was making me want to pull my hair out? Or because my boyfriend/girlfriend and I were fighting? Where were you when I was looking for someone to go to a movie with? Oh, that’s right. You were nowhere to be found because you have zero ability to balance friends and a significant other.
They text you 100 times a day every single day about nothing. And not the good kind of nothing. I mean up your ass about your every move. If you take more than a few minutes to respond, the result is a million texts back or a long winded email/FB private message about how they feel neglected by you and wanting to know what they did wrong. Dude, I was in a meeting. Sorry I couldn’t be at your beckon call at 11:30 on a week day.
Any friend who must be a part of your life every waking moment needs to go. You know this person. They invite themselves to tag along for every single activity and they latch onto all of your other friends to ensure that they are never left out of any of your various social circles. If they aren’t a part of every aspect of your life, they get pissed, upset, or depressed.
Example: I have a few circles of friends. I have friends I go to concerts with, friends I watch sports with, friends from work, friends from college/sorority sisters, my long time friends from childhood. Do they sometimes intersect? Yes. But when you have the clinger persistently pushing her way into all of your circles and exchanging numbers with all of the people in your circles, what does that leave you with?
My ex-clinger friend was something like this:
What are you doing this weekend?
I am going to see Mike’s band play. He wants me to take some video for his band’s site.
Where? I want to come.
Since when do you love heavy metal? You hate it.
Well are any of the band members single? We get to hang out with the band, right?
At my son’s birthday party, she sits with one of my girlfriends from school. Said friend tells her how we are going away together for a weekend soon, me, her and my son. Immediately: “Oh, when? I’m sure I can come. Here is my number. Make sure you call me!” Me: standing there stunned.
Think Single White Female and abandon ship.
4. The Preteen Adult.
Passive aggressive statuses on social media that are meant for you are a sign to drop the bitch. Actually, passive aggressive messages of any kind meant for anyone as a target when you’re approaching your 30’s are a sign to get a new friend.
True friends can have calm, adult discussions about reasons why they are upset with you. Bringing 200 other people into your beef is immature. Additionally, other childish behavior and antics are also a sign to get rid of someone. If they are a train wreck everywhere you take them (parties, concerts, sporting events, etc) who cannot function in a normal, social atmosphere without embarrassing you horribly, move on.
5. The Friend Searching for Constant Approval.
You’re not always going to agree with your friends and that is perfectly okay. You won’t share every single thing in common, which is equally just as important. In any relationship, friendship or romantic, it is important to have differences and separate interests.
A friend who is constantly worried about what you think, what you like and wants to constantly change so as to agree with you is not a good friend. They are self-conscious to the point where they cannot think for themselves. They will without a doubt drive you absolutely up the wall. If you like something, they automatically like it as well, whether it is true or not. If you have something, they need it. If you don’t like something, they hate it as well.
Someone cannot fashion their life around what you deem as acceptable living. You are doing what is best for you. They need to do what is best for them. Address the issue, encourage them to have a mind of their own, but if they cannot, back away.
6. The Selfish One.
Lives change. Sometimes unexpectedly and in a variety of ways. We’re all getting older. We’re getting married, having families, building careers, continuing education. Some people cannot take that you are not growing in the same ways and refuse to be understanding about it.
Case and point: I unexpectedly found myself a single mother right as I turned 24. To say that I lost friends is an understatement.
I lost them all but a very select few. By few, I mean two. Once I became pregnant, since I couldn’t go to bars they decided that I also didn’t like doing the other things I used to enjoy like movies, hanging out playing video games, going to sporting events, going out to eat, and other normal activities.
I was no longer “any fun” and was told “You’re a mom now. You don’t go out.” Really? Sooo…I had a kid and that means I can no longer be your friend? I can’t ever get a babysitter? We can never speak again?
One “friend” even responded to my phone call telling her that I was pregnant with, “That sucks.” Wow. Not exactly how I was feeling about it, you twat. I was nervous and scared but still had love in my heart for the baby inside me.
Anyone who isn’t willing to share your life’s happiness because it doesn’t fit in with what they consider fun isn’t your friend. We are all going to experience life changes, and a blessing as big as having a family is something to be celebrated. Have I traded in the majority of my weekends for Candy Land over the South Side? Yes. But I am not a leper and being pregnant isn’t a terminal illness (and neither is parenting).
Weddings. Babies. New careers. They are all to be celebrated. If someone cannot be happy for you or make compromises with you as your life changes, then tell them to change this *holds up middle fingers*. You don’t need them.
7. I’m sorry! I can’t hear your problems over my own but you need to fix mine!
Anyone who cannot lend you an ear but expects yours every time they have a problem or dismisses all of your feelings isn’t a true friend. All of their problems they will ensure become yours as well and they will not stand for you NOT fixing them.
Example: Was friends with a girl who was constantly putting me up to the task of running her love life. Dude, I can’t even manage my own love life! “Well I’m just saying, if you meet a nice guy, keep in mind the awesome friend you have.” Bitch, if I find an awesome guy, I’m surely not passing him along! Nice, decent, attractive, hardworking men with a good head on their shoulders aren’t just falling into my lap. I promise you, if I find one, my inclination won’t be. “Yes, I would love to go out with you… but I have this friend and it’s her turn to have a boyfriend. So here’s her number!”
Put that broad out on the curb. Chances are she is the same girl who will fall off the radar once she meets said boyfriend.
8. The Unreliable.
They’re never around when you need someone. They will always cancel plans at the last second. They will leave you hanging and disappear. They’re late for everything, beyond what is accepted as “fashionable.” Don’t even attempt to lend this person money. You’ll be writing it off as a loss. You cannot ask them for favors because you know you will end up disappointed. You cannot tell them anything in confidence because the whole world will know in an instant.
If you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them, then simply throw them out.
Other reasons to get rid of a friend:
They say “Cheers to the freakin weekend.” Ditch this person. Please.
Friendships are a two way street. If someone isn’t paving their way or is bulldozing over your life, find a new friend. Thinning the herd isn’t the worst thing for your life!