Gives Those Boobs a Squeeze

By Rachel

*Nudity warning*

In honor of Mother’s Day and the Susan G. Koman Foundation, I decided to take a new approach to breast cancer awareness.

Having breasts is something that is physically definitive of my being female. I used to consider them a nuisance, but in recent years have embraced how fucking incredible they are! Let’s face it, boobs are fun. Most men will agree. And much like snowflakes and penises, they are all different.

So today, let’s celebrate breasts and then get serious and talk about how and why we need to protect them!

I’ll start with the great aspects of having breasts.

1. Your shirts look great.

A whole new world of clothing opens up to you depending on what size your ta-tas are. Scoop neck and v-neck shirts look fantastic when you wear the right bra to support the girls and keep them where they belong (They should sit at the midway point between your shoulder and the crook of your elbow when you are standing straight with your arms down, shoulders back and relaxed. Exercise good posture!)

A guy cannot pull off this style of shirt. Why? No boobs. Boobs=great looking shirt.

2. Cleavage.

It’s sexy. Deal with it.

Again, with the shirt. No boobs, you cannot pull this off… Cleavage can be classy looking.

3. Side boob.

Side boob is the most under rated form of exposure. It leaves something to the imagination, since the holy grail of the breast is still concealed. I’m still confused as to why showing some nip makes the difference between seeing and not seeing titties. I will never ever understand this. If guys can walk around with their nips hanging out, why not women? Don’t get it. Society? Can you answer this?

You get a better feel for their shape and perkiness from the side. Don’t hate on the side view!

4. Nipple

Piggybacking off of my previous point, why is nipple different for women than men? *Shrugs* It’s a hot spot for sexual stimulation. An amazing 29% of women in some studies have orgasmed from having their nipple’s stimulated. Most women’s O factor increases from simultaneous stimulation of their nether region and their nips. So love your nips and be thankful for them every day! (Ahem… Guys read this.)

Women’s bodies are a work of art!

5. Underboob

It might be sexier than side boob and cleavage in a lot of ways. It definitely gives you a preview but it is slightly more amazing because it is almost like a floating ball trick. They are just kind of there and the access is easy so what’s not to love?

6. They are OURS.

This is something that physically defines us as women, adds to our curves and  the overall beauty of being a woman. Breasts are nothing to be embarrassed about, hated on, or hidden in oversized sweatshirts and tshirts.

Being a woman is a fantastic and truly beautiful thing. Anorexic, ribs showing skinny isn’t how we were meant to look.

Love your curves.

Now the bad…

1. Back pain.

If you have a sizable rack, you are no stranger to back pain and strain.

2. Crumbs.

Nobody told me when I started growing these puppies that if cleavage is remotely showing, even in the most miniscule form, that  boobs serve as a crumb catcher. I suppose on the plus side, your lap is always clean when you eat, but ew. Itchy.

Ritz crackers, toast, cookies, garlic bread, chips, banana bread, and cupcakes are the enemy.

And yeah…I got toast crumbs in my tank top this morning. Boooooo.

3.  Boob sweat.

Underboob is also a hot bed for sweat when working out or if it is just an unbearable 98 degrees and humid out. Fucking gross.

4. Athletics.

Running. Jumping. Swinging a golf club. Seriously hindered by the girls. And sports bras are the Devil.

5. Strapless bras.

The Devil’s even more evil twin. Finding a GOOD  strapless bra is a process more painful as finding perfectly fitting jeans off the rack. They need to have the perfect padding and sticky pads to keep them in place.

6. High Beams.

Do I need to even describe why this is horrible if you are a woman?

Now that we know why boobs are awesome, it’s time to talk about protecting them. Monthly self exams are important. It isn’t enough to wait for your yearly OBGYN visit. One year may be too late. Check Your Boobies has a great explanation of how to properly give yourself a self exam and other tell tale signs to look for that ultimately should result in a trip to your physician. Early detection for lumps and other abnormalities can save your life.

Mammograms should begin at age 40, but if there is a history of breast cancer in your family, they should begin earlier. Talk to your doctor about this if it applies to you.

Check them. Squeeze them. Protect them.

Other great websites:
Save the Ta-Tas 

Susan G. Koman Foundation

National Breast Cancer Foundation


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