Face Full of Hair, Oh So Necessary

By Rachel

Beards. My god, they are a work of art, a gift from nature. Every guy should have one or the ability to at least grow one. Why are hockey playoffs so amazing? 50% of it may be the playoff beards.

Beards are sexy. Ladies who don’t like beards because it scratches your face need to strap on a set because that’s love burn. If you walk away with a bit of red abrasions, congratulations. That’s a souvenir. Look in the mirror and smirk a bit. Be proud of your battle wound. And if that subtle burn is between your legs, just put some aloe on it and know that it was worth it if the man did his job right.

What makes a good beard? There are many qualities that can create a beast of a beard.

Ginger is essential to any good beard. There are two types, one that is far more superior. The first is ginger sprinkled throughout a beard on a man who does not have red hair. Blonde or Brunette hair with red beard is proof that their is a God and that God is female. Only a woman bestow such a bounteous gift upon us mere mortals.

James Neal has a PERFECT 10 Point worthy Ginger Beard. Neal has dark hair but his beard is red. You sir, are a god among men.

Now, Claude Giroux is gingery in general. His hair is strawberry blonde, so ginger beard is expected, but it is still beautiful.

Gingery Goodness is pure bred in Ottawa.

Then there are the full on beards. These beards will dominate a man’s face. They command respect. They say, “I give no fucks and I’ll fuck up your day if I must.” Badassery.

Shea Weber can grow a full beard from a clean shaven face in under an hour.

How do you compete with that?

Beards are not exclusive to hockey though. Joel Hanrahan of the Pirates derives all of the power for his fast ball from his chin. If he shaves it, he throws like Scotty Smalls.

Without the beard, Hammer turns into a small, wooden, meat tenderizer.

Aside from athletes, actors and common folk can have great facial hair.

Ryan Reynolds in Blade Trinity. He’s so pretty I want to cry.

Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King in Blade Trinity.

Sean Connery’s beard is dashing.

**EDIT TO ADD** Christina below reminded us of the best local beard: Joe Manganiello. Werewolf beard with some salt and pepper. Silver fox beard is definitely ever just as sexy as ginger beard.


Some people think that beards are just for lumberjacks. Fair enough. Lumberjacks have and should have beards. It adds to the element of bad ass.

This little man is in training. One day, he’s gonna be grizzly as hell.

This lumberjack should hang his head in shame. Abomination.

Beards are glorious. They should be embraced, not frowned upon. Dress codes that disallow beards are an infringement upon our freedom. Why should I be punished at work with beardless men? Blasphemy!

Beards need love, too.


4 thoughts on “Face Full of Hair, Oh So Necessary

  1. Shaving is absolutely overrated. I do not need my man looking like Brett Keisel, but super clean shaven ? Noooo … I want a man. James Neal indeed is perfection.

    But I also like very dark with grey sprinkles. Check on Joe Manganiello and you know what I mean.

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